I can’t believe how not excited I am right now. And it never occurred to me that packing things could be so..urm..depressing and emotional? I wouldn’t even start packing if my dad doesn’t tell me too.
I’m going to Shanghai in less than 5 days and I couldn’t be much sadder. I just don’t get it. This was the dream! To go exchange to a foreign country, get to know their culture and making new foreign friends… This was what I wanted all along. Or so I thought. As the departure date getting closer, my depression level is getting higher. I just don’t understand myself.
I worked so hard to get this opportunity to finally see the world out there. This was a chance of a lifetime and I’m not slightest happy about it. I think I’m going nuts. Yeah, maybe that was the case. Maybe I am nuts. I shouldn’t feel this way. I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t. After all the hard work and failures I went through to make this works. Urgh, I hate myself right now. I really want to punch myself in the face.
But anyway, I really want to thank my manager, Kee Boon, for this. She did an amazing job throughout the whole process. I think I wouldn’t be here if not for her. Since the first day I come for the interview, I knew I can rely on her. I want to thank her for believing in me too. She always put her faith in me, I think that was the biggest drive for me to keep on trying and trying after I failed numerous times.
What’s left now is for me to enjoy the exchange right? I guess. And to forget, to experience the culture shock.